A very old saying says, “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” This is a warning to people not to act out in anger or resentment because they only end up harming themselves. Over time, this resentment can build until the individual develops depression or anxiety.
While forgiving others who have hurt us isn’t always easy, in the end, it greatly benefits our mental health and overall well-being. To be clear, forgiving others does NOT mean you agree with or condor their poor behavior. And it doesn’t mean you are announcing that your feelings don’t matter. Forgiveness means letting go of the negative feelings that are holding you down and causing you prolonged distress.
Again, forgiving someone who has hurt you isn’t easy, but it will lead you to a sense of peace and joy. Here are some steps you can take to forgive others:
Process Your Pain
Have you faced your pain and processed it? You’ll need to do this before you can let those feelings go. Permit yourself to feel your feelings deeply and fully. Cry, yell, hit your pillow, do whatever it takes.
Forgive Yourself=
It takes two to tango, as they say. While we can easily point to others and blame them for the breakup or ugly incident, we were also there. We played some roles. Even if it was to retaliate in the moment and to show our own ugliness, it’s time to forgive your humanity and any wrongdoing to yourself or others.
Try to Understand
True forgiveness is impossible without a sense of understanding. You can try to forgive, and claim you have forgiven, only to have those negative nagging feelings crop up again and again. Trying to understand why someone has acted the way they have can wipe out the negative feelings instantly, almost as if by magic.
The critical parent acts the way they act because they, too, were the victim of a critical parent. An overbearing boss is dealing with a personal tragedy at home. Our cheating spouse is self-sabotaging his or her life because they have incredibly low self-esteem and do not feel they deserve happiness. Life is complicated and human beings are even more so. Try and understand why someone has hurt you. You will be amazed at what this magical A-ha moment can do for you.
